Gossip

Have you ever known someone who talks too much? They’re chatty. They tend to tell too much about themselves, their circumstances, and for that matter, they seem to share everyone else’s lives as well. We say of such people that they “they don’t have a filter.” But what we need to be asking is if they can be legitimately labeled as a “gossip?” The reason I raise this question, is due to the fact that these chatty folks are largely stereotyped as “gossips.” But is this a fair judgement? I would argue that it is a misjudgment for two reasons: first, it either denies or overlooks the reality of people’s natural dispositions – where with some they are the extrovert and with others, they are the introvert. The extrovert is your open book. They tend not to know a stranger. They’re very relational. Easy to get to know. And they are therefore wired to be naturally talkative. Whereas the introvert holds his cards close to the chest, as it were. They’re very private and typically have very few friends. They talk very little, though they’re silence doesn’t mean they’re not thinking. Nevertheless, in contrast to the extrovert, the introvert is a closed book. It is thus not hard to see how the extrovert could be more easily targeted as a gossip simply because he’s naturally bent to tell all. But is he really a gossip or just a natural born talker who loves relating to other people?

The second reason I believe it’s a misjudgment to stereotype those who are chatty as bona fide gossips, is because gossip as a sin has nothing to do with talking too much. As I labored to show in my previous post, gossip (defined by God’s Word) is “talking about other people laced with fabrications, hearsay, conjecture, and innuendo with the sole intent on ruining their reputation.” Essentially, gossip is slander. It is bearing false witness against another person (Exod. 20:16). It therefore has nothing to do with someone who is chatty, but with someone who has crafted what they say with the design to befoul a person’s credibility.

But can a person who is a natural born talker ever be guilty of gossip? The answer to this question is obviously “yes,” but with qualifications. Since the extrovert is wired to talk often and much about many things, they therefore have to be extra careful not to share information that could damage another person’s reputation. While it may not be their motive to hurt other people in this way, they can inadvertently reveal something about someone to the wrong person who could take that information and use it to their advantage to sully someone’s name. Those then whose aptitude is geared toward much conversation should remember the wisdom of God’s Word which says, “When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent” (Prov. 10:19).

Nevertheless, I contend that it is an unfair judgment to automatically, without exception, label a talkative person as a gossip. So, who then can be legitimately classed as a gossip? Here, we turn back to Scripture and consider the word which the Holy Spirit has given us that helps us identify the true gossip. In Proverbs 26:20, we’re told, “For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases.” The term”whisperer” is the biblical word for a gossip. It is the translation of the Hebrew noun nirgan which has as its root meaning, “to roll to pieces,” and is understood as a person who is a slanderer or talebearer. This is your gossip. They are someone whose commodity is never in truth but lies. Hence, they are rumormongers. Their expertise is in the spreading of false reports, which God categorically condemns (see Exod. 23:1). Moreover, they live upon scandal for their own selfish reasons, making it their malicious business to carry about tales to defame someone’s character. And their aim in this endeavor is manifold.

Matthew Henry (1662-1714) said of the gossip or talebearer, that they do this to stir up and divide the best of friends, sowing discord in families, churches, and societies. Yet what is most devastating in the wake of the gossip’s false report, is that it works itself deep in the memory of those who hear it. This is why Proverbs 26:22 says of the gossip’s words, that “they are like delicious morsels, they go down deep into the inner parts of the body.” As one writer said in this regard, “Although we may try not to be influenced by what we’ve heard, it’s hard to put it out of our minds.” Tragically, this is how gossip retains its power to divide and conquer. Adding further layers to this fact, Charles Bridges (1794-1869) wrote: “We may seem to make light of the tale brought to our ears, and wholly to despise it. But the subtle poison has worked. [We muse to ourselves], ‘Suppose it should be true. Perhaps, though it may be exaggerated, there may be some ground for it.’ The thought indulged only for a moment brings suspicion, distrust, coldness; and often it ends in the separation of chief friends.”

But how can we, as God’s people, overturn the potential wreckage that the gossip spreads by way of false reports? Philip Graham Ryken, in his exposition of Exodus 23:1, answered such a question in very practical terms. He writes: “By not listening to unfounded rumors in the first place. If someone tries to tell us something that is none of our business, we shouldn’t even listen. If it is our business, then we should go back to the people involved and make sure that we have the story straight. We should be careful not to believe everything we hear, especially from someone who is angry or has an ax to grind. We should also be careful not to repeat everything we hear. We should only say what we certainly know to be true. Even then, we should only say it if it is our place to say it, if it is said out of true love for others, and if it will advance God’s work in the world. If our words are unable to pass these simple tests, it would be better for us not to say anything at all!”

For the past four years I have been mulling over a matter which I have read about and discussed with others, but have never till this time written anything on the subject. By the title of this post, it’s not hard to figure out the subject I’m referring to: it’s that dirty little word called, “Gossip.” For me personally, this term and the concept it defines biblically has been an issue of critical importance – and this, for a few weighty reasons.

First of all, since gossip is such a common sin, in both the world and the church, we tend to forget how ungodly it really is. Second of all, while this sin is so common, yet it also suffers a terrible confusion as to what it really means. What exactly is gossip? This question alone has to be settled by what God’s Word reveals and not what we might think it is. I have actually witnessed a local church destroyed due to a gross confusion over gossip. In fact, next to the sin of censoriousness (see Matt. 7:1), the sin of gossip is perhaps the one sin so many are charged with who are not guilty by those who are in fact the real gossips themselves! Hence, we desperately need clarity pertaining to this sin. Third of all, since the seed of every sin resides in all our hearts, then as Christians we must watch ourselves with great care that we’re not ensnared by this sin. Indeed, let me be clear on this point: there’s no believer in Christ who is incapable of committing the sin of gossip. Though regenerated by the Holy Spirit with a new nature in spiritual union with Christ, yet every child of God preceding eternal glory is plagued every day with remaining sin (Rom. 6:12-13a; 7:14-25; Gal. 5:17). Therefore, we have to be on constant guard against the sin of gossip, as we would any other sin. So then, we need to seek to understand what this sin is and how we can combat it by the Word and the Spirit (Rom. 8:13).

To begin with, I believe clearing the confusion away would be a good place to start. In the first place then, the sin of gossip is not committed when we’re having casual conversation about other people who are not present. If this were gossip, imagine how quickly our conversations would be limited and even cease to exist. This is where we have to be realistic. We live in a world full of people we know personally, are acquainted with, or hear about from afar. It is not possible for all such people to be in our presence every time we may bring up something about them in a benign conversation. To restrict the meaning of gossip to such an maddening rule is in many respects denying both our humanity and the world wherein we live. Moreover, it is laying a burden on us all which none can carry and God’s Word itself does not warrant.

In the second place, the sin of gossip is not committed when we have to warn others of false teachers or divisive people who are not in our presence. We see this practice replete in God’s Word. For instance, how often did our Lord Himself warn His disciples in private of the scribes and Pharisees (see Matt. 15:12-13; 16:5-12)? Or what about the apostle Paul warning Timothy in a letter of men like Hymenaeus and Philetus or Alexander the coppersmith (2 Tim. 2:17-18; 4:14-15). And then, there is the apostle John who warned a local church in a letter of a man named Diotrephes, “who likes to put himself first, [and] does not acknowledge our authority” (3 John 9). What these examples prove clearly is that calling people out by name and warning others of their doctrine or conduct which is destructive cannot be classified as the sin of gossip – even if such persons are not present while the warnings are expressed.

In the third place, the sin of gossip is not committed when in the process of church discipline you have to involve other church members (or the church as a whole) to charges of sin against another fellow member. This point is crucial. Christians who misunderstand gossip as reporting anything negative about another person cannot carry out the plain instructions and imperatives of corrective church discipline as taught by Christ (see Matt. 18:15-17). Yet sadly, this is why in many respects there is no church discipline practiced in a local church! Christians misinterpret the command of Ephesians 4:29, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouth, but only such as is good for building up,” to mean that we can only say “positive things” about others – thus, overlooking to the point of ignoring if not denying the sins of those who are grieving the Spirit and destroying the church! This is a tragedy on so many levels. But a large cause of this tragedy is a warped and distorted idea about gossip. It’s that twisted idea that says, “If you don’t have anything nice to say about someone then don’t say anything at all.” I have heard this axiom all my life – and have heard it coming largely from well-meaning Christians. However, as right and good as it sounds, it is a secular adage. There’s nothing Christian about it! It flies in the face of how God has revealed the necessity for sin to be confronted, challenged and corrected in the church. And to do this God’s way, you have to address people in their sin and even warn others about their sin (if unrepented!), whether they’re present or not.

It should be obvious by these three clarifications as to what gossip is not, that I have emphasized as a recurring motif this point regarding the actual physical presence of the person under discussion. The reason for my emphasis here is because I saw personally the majority of a local church come under the delusion that if someone is not physically present, then they cannot be brought up in a conversation. What made this fallacy however so destructive and even insidious, is that it was spawned by a church elder as some bizarre policing tactic to bind the conscience and tongues of church members from committing what he wrongly believed was “gossip.” And despite how I and other pastors stepped in to override this ill-founded concept, the damage had been already done. To this very day, the members who left this church are still carried away by this bogus idea that “gossip” is when you say anything about another person in the absence of their presence – especially if their sins are reported!

Well, what then is gossip? Since gossip is a sin, then what makes it a sin? Gossip, as defined by God’s Word, is talking about other people laced with fabrications, hearsay, conjecture, and innuendo with the sole intent on ruining their reputation. Gossip as a sin stands in direct violation of Exodus 20:16, “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.” The immediate context of this commandment is in a court of law – having to do with the legal testimony a witness gives in a public trial before a jury. What the Lord therefore is obviously prohibiting and thereby condemning here is a lying witness. But what we should see at the heart of this commandment, is what God says is the worst kind of lying: it is charging an innocent man of a crime he didn’t commit, which in turn, will work to destroy his public reputation. When this is carried out in speech it is called “slander.” When it is put in print it is called “libel.” Either way, as one writer put it so solemnly, “the victims of gossip never to get to defend themselves. They never have a chance to explain their circumstances, clarify their motives, or correct the misconceptions people have about them. Instead they are charged, tried, and convicted in the court of private opinion.” And sadly, in the wake of a gossip tsunami (if you will), Martin Luther (1483-1546) said,”Reputation is something quickly stolen, but not quickly returned.”

To gossip then, is to bear a false witness against another person. It is to tell tales about what someone said or did but always in a report that is never the whole story. And it’ll never be the whole story, otherwise the complete and collected facts will undermine the wicked intent of the one gossiping – which is to annihilate the person’s reputation. This is why before we open our own mouths and begin to speak about anyone, we need to ask some hard questions: Is what I am about to say true? Is it the whole truth? Am I dealing with facts or is this hearsay or conjecture? Will what I say impugn anything evil to this person’s motive, which I cannot see but God? If what I am about to report is true and not impugning any evil to this person’s motive, then how necessary is it for the other person to hear this? Will what I am reporting sow discord against this person? Will what I am reporting stand under careful scrutiny and investigation – in short, can my report be proven?

These kind of questions should cause any of us as God’s people to be slow to speak on the one hand; and ponder carefully what we’re considering to say, on the other hand (see Prov. 10:19; 15:28; James 1:19). Moreover, it should also cause us to be careful when we do hear about others as it pertains to things they have allegedly said or done which threatens their credibility. Proverbs 18:13 and verse 17 are always a helpful guide in this matter: “If anyone gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame,” and then, “The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him.” What both of these proverbs teach us is that before we go making conclusions and rushing to judgment, we need to pause and consider first what we’re being told and seek to find out if this is the whole story. One critical question we should ask in this regard is whether the credibility of the person reporting this can be trusted. A definite “no,no” would be to trust anonymous letters or emails! Documents of this sort can never be trusted since the person who wrote it cannot be questioned as to the trustworthiness of their report. Considering the source then is a huge factor to whatever we hear.

Needless to say, gossip is an horrific sin which works to destroy peoples lives and ruin their credibility. It is a sin which works against the love of both neighbor and brethren – stealing one of our most precious treasures: a good name that is to be chosen rather than great riches (see Prov. 22:1). May God sanctify us all to be more careful in both our speech and hearing.

Who is the Gossip?

The Truth about Gossip